James Hillman, author of A Blue Fire and one of today’s most imaginative thinkers, says, “Knowing our fantasy life is to know ourselves profoundly. From that particular kind of self-knowledge that is beyond ego comes a strong sense of destiny. In this sense, imagination provides a solid moral destiny. “
Our relationships thrive on our natural ability to be creative and intimate. When we trust ourselves, being intimate with others is our authentic state.
In the language of fairy tales, what is more truthful and honest than fantasy? It sneaks up on us, and climbs into our minds, whispering truths in a language we don’t usually feel threatened by. Fairy tales reach the most sacred and visceral part of who we are: The Child in all of us, no matter our age. In the land of Fairy Tale, there is a playground of many satisfying fantasies. In understanding ourselves, through fairy tale, we get a glimpse into all aspects of who we are through the villain as well as the hero or heroine. Knowing all the characteristics of our personality—is healthy!
This Child, when comfortable in an adult body, reserves itself for those it feels at ease with—those with whom it trusts. We know intuitively, when we are safe with someone and in that place of security that Child is free to come out and play. Whether this is on a conscious level or subconscious domain depends on how well we know someone, but more importantly, this security is reliant on how well we know and trust ourselves, for we can feel this natural comfort in the presence of a “stranger”. There is a Knowingness to who we can be intimate with and this knowingness is the language of children. They naturally trust and communicate with each other and speak a language that adults know very little about. (They are right. Adults are grown children who have sometimes left the best parts of themselves behind. )
In an intimate relationship between two adults, the Child’s voice is communicated often without words or with few words and say—everything that is needed to be said. Why? In this very childlike way, the individuals are unknowingly speaking the same language. They are flirting with each other’s hearts and they are not always aware of it. The most dangerous and erotic flirtations are those spoken at the level of the Child. When we know ourselves well, we do not hide from this innocent part of us—our most natural and intimate selves. The adorable child in the adult emerges in the company of familiar and safe grounds, often for a fleeting moment. When the moment is captured, it bears a bounty of gifts.
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When two souls meet at the level of the Child, they expose themselves to the vulnerability and invulnerability of Relationship. Grown-ups keep away from this part of who they are, out of fear. If the little boy or the little girl sneaks out to play for a bit, the adult mind immediately snatches them up, lathering the poor Kid in armor, preparing him or her for a lifetime of battling the child within and the adult.
True intimacy is when couples can communicate with each other, comfortably on all levels—naturally. When our relationships thrive it is because we feel alive with that Child part of who we are; with ourselves and our partner. When we die emotionally or our relationships with our partner’s lose their “spark” it is because we have lost that most trusted and sacred part of ourselves in each other, this is the purest and sexiest us. For some men, sex seems to be their door to intimacy. The act of sex, without Honest Love, prevents them from the closeness they desire most. For women, if they are honest and healthy? They want you to ravage them, while reading their minds! How many men know this about women and how many women will admit this truth about themselves?
(They say that you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven unless you are a child. Remember this the next time you try to enter the kingdom of your spouse or lover… Remember: you shouldn’t have to try…)
What attracts us to that Special Someone, whether we are heterosexual or gay, is the soul of the Child. It knows no sex, it knows only how to play, give and be happy! The soul of the Child only knows how to—love. Cherubs understand this truth. Maybe this is what our Creator really wanted for us all along; simply to share our toys and play nicely with each other and just do what we were meant to do naturally—love…
So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you: Decide, Decide, Decide...who are you going to listen to? Your heart or your mind? (The Child or the Adult?)
(only time will tell...)