(and the hidden betrayals of the heart...)
“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head,
the heart and the senses.”
The Mind and Commitment
What is commitment?
When explored deeply, we understand all that commitment is not. Commitments lose their meaning for us when we see how the mind tries to convince the heart that its version of guarantee will last; yet in the end, the heart always wins. The heart commits without fanfare, Paper Work or conditions. Commitments become Riddles when a disorderly mind tirelessly attempts to organize impossible rules to live by. When unrealistic expectations are not met, impediments are inevitable and will eventually cause the breakdown of how we understand a promise. The collapses of our vows often come with a change of heart, not of mind, yet this is not betrayal. On the contrary, when we live within the criteria of the Ethics of the Heart, there is no disloyalty unless we have inadvertently silenced the wisdom of our soul’s callings. When the mind commits solely to the linear conditions of life in our career and/or personal life, rigid rules become a prison, which leads to regrets. When we stay on the periphery of relationships (our mind) the internal space (our heart) is left unattended. Without the tending and nurturing to our heart, there can be no real love and no viable commitment.
The Heart and Commitment When love is present all the rules change, because love changes all the rules… When love is present, commitment is unencumbered and free. The heart is betrayed when the mind conquers it, leading it to believe that its allegiance is best when we refrain from questioning the social conditioning's of our lives. This is why Honest Love is so threatening to the average mind-centered individual. They know that there is never competition with anything that is pure and unalloyed, yet the very nature of its innocence is threatening to minds that believe love needs to be contained and exclusive. This notion of exclusivity actually prevents the natural beauty and innocence of love to flow.
Commitment is naturally all sustaining when each party knows and loves the essence of the other; when two people do not deceive themselves with pseudo love and they are not using the other for personal gain or hidden agendas. This kind of pledge is spontaneous and unintentional, yet when love is not present, commitment is not available; however, our mind will try to convince us otherwise. Even if the physical body remains in the relationship, without love, we all secretly know when our heart departs…
We might ask ourselves: What is love, actually? Love is not as many things as we have created it to be. As a sensory needy society, Love is often marketed as something that it is not. It is not a thing to possess, but it is a thing to give away… Commitments shift when we realize that what we were being loyal to was in fact not love and perhaps the farthest thing from it. If we stay in a loveless relationship the commitment becomes a dysfunctional state of mind, complacency sets in like a slow death and our heart is continually betrayed.
Is The Limbic System Responsible for The Chemistry of Love and Commitment?
Where does the soul come into this equation? Committed love transcends sex and individual boundaries. There is an undeniable interconnectedness—a limbic resonance where, when we go beyond dopamine, phenylethylamine and oxytocin we reach our highly evolved spirit- state and we commit to what is most natural—which is to love.
Love is real when you can love another the same way as a beautiful wild flower. To tear it from the earth—it would die. But to gaze upon its Petals, along with the sun, along with the kiss of the wind and with the rain, pure white rain—you watch it Grow—this is love.
How does commitment change courses? The heart will move, always in the direction of life, honoring its need to flow, change and grow. The clearer we become to ourselves, discerning when commitment needs to be reevaluated is something that can only be determined by an individual’s ability to think independently, free from the influences of others. Sometimes we feel that we must stay in a job and relationship because of a promise. However, how can we grow if we stay in a Place that is stagnant and unfulfilling and perhaps detrimental to our overall well being? This is where we address our personal understanding of value and what and whom we value. This is where we must ask ourselves: Are we honoring commitment or are we being complacent? Are we committed or are we attached? (Do we know the difference?)
Commitment in Marriages and Committed Relationships
Marriages are an institution and contract. The origin of them was to build strength and alliances. Marriages were often arranged up until three generations ago. Love and romance in marriages is a fairly new concept, perhaps this is why there is conflict. On one hand the history of marriage was designed to win wars (yet often with marriages, internal wars are created) and love had nothing to do with its success or failure, yet producing offspring did.
How do we choose our right and permanent partner? (Is there just one?) We need to know ourselves very well. We must have an impeccable relationship with ourselves first and foremost otherwise we cannot fully know or appreciate someone else.
In the end we have to be our own authority and take back what belonged to us in the beginning: our commitment to the Ethics of our Hearts. What ideology can ever answer for us, what is right or true for us? Who do we intrinsically trust with our life decisions if not ourselves? If we are to trust outside authorities is that a life of integrity? Authenticity? Or is it a life that is only half alive?
(These are not questions any “expert” can answer for us, for whose authority, if not our own reigns with more raw honesty than our own?)
"The heart is forever making the head its fool."
Francois de la Roche Foucauld
Love in a committed relationship happens by understanding and trusting who we are. With Honest Love two souls recognize the fragility and value of life and hold that understanding and that love above all else in the world. This kind of sacred love and commitment knows no hierarchy; there is no exclusivity or possessiveness; no mine, no jealousy, no right sexuality or wrong sexuality—just that which is valued. With the heart, all riddles are answered effortlessly. When love is not present the heart departs even if the body stays behind, leaving it scrambling aimlessly for its forsaken soul. When we stay, each individual knows that they are not committed; rather, they are ghosts haunting the body—holding it captive and hosting a relationship that does not really exist.
We must ask ourselves: What could any scientific theory or relationship expert tell our hearts that we don’t already secretly know? Before there was verbal language, there was first the language and vision of the heart. It will always be the Master Language; the highest Voice with a universal vocabulary and an undeniable Authority that will always honor a higher truth than any written or spoken word.
So, when that Clock is about to strike 12 and that noon train is approaching around the bend; the tracks are laden with golden bricks pointing in a Direction and your life is asking you: Decide, Decide, Decide...who are you going to listen to? Your heart or your mind?
(only time will tell...)