child support

April 13-April 19, 2009

childhood wounds i don't know why, but this week in between life, drives back and forth into the city and doing homework with my kids, i began to think about the quote from Sartre that always haunted and inspired me: "Childhood decides."

for the most part i think this is true.  if we are conscious of our wounds we try to heal them, but there are so many undercurrents to our wounds that unless one is so passionate about becoming whole and integrated, intellectually as well as spiritually, i don't how see healing can occur.

as creatures of habit and learned behaviors, i think we tend to unconsciously cling to things or people that might superficially comfort us or mask our wounds so they don't fully need addressing-- or more importantly, healing...

think about it: when you look at yourself, and the people you work with and in your personal world-- do you really think childhood wounds have been healed? Maybe they have been addressed, but when we feel vulnerable in the world or need a loving voice to listen to us-- hear us, those very Hurts from our babyhood somehow nastily find their way to the surface of our hearts.

they do for me, and when they do? I am immediately reminded of what love is and is not.  I am brought to Full Attention with my life and the choices I have made and I look at my babies in adult bodies and I see how utterly profound and important being a good, nurturing mother is.  I wish it mattered in our society and in our judicial systems more (but it doesn't).

the week was wonderful in that it was my birthday and i got to celebrate yet another year on this amazing planet of Wonder and Horror, with three of my favorite people--my children.  I love their minds, their thoughts and mostly their hearts...

later on, my daughter and i will watch a taped Ellen show. it makes my daughter and i laugh and reminds us what a living example of an authentic human being truly is:  someone who is not afraid to be who she is and to make herself vulnerable to the world--so much so, that we all cannot help but to identify a part of our Selves with her...